IC INBOX [kaisou]

[asipofbride]

This is Wolfwood. Leave a message and maybe I'll get back to you.

username: N.D. WOLFWOOD

✉ ☏ 📷

Comments

[whiteshroud]

My flames don't burn hot enough to properly cremate an entire corpse, so I had to give it a proper burial, which means I had to dig a 6 foot deep hole.
Since you didn't want your grave to be found, I had to transport it to a remote area.
And since that takes time, I had to buy supplies and prep the body so it wouldn't start rotting and smelling on the way.

Well, I did admittedly give you a discount from my usual fees.
On account of you being murdered.

[asipofbride]

that's what gas and a lighter is for
could've loaned you one if you asked, knocked 5$ off my total or something
I think I'm too used to having the closet space between space I forget about transporting stuff

I mean the last time I did a burial I charged 20,000$$
mostly to see the look on Needlenoggin's face
the murder discount must be pretty cushy

[whiteshroud]

Are you critiquing my undertaking abilities.

... I don't think funeral homes charge that much for a full funeral.
What did you do to earn 20k?

[asipofbride]

im just sayin you coulda half-assed it i ain't worth all the fuss

dug graves for two bodies in the middle of the desert and spoke over em
granted this was after the people I charged the money to hit me with a car

[ ... and further granted that he was technically part of the reason they were dead in the first place but, y'know. ]

[whiteshroud]

Gonna ignore the self-worth baggage, and just say no- I couldn't.
I was also burying my boyfriend's body. With him there.
He's a moral man, so dumping your body in a ditch would've gotten me in deep shit.

Did
Did they also hit the two dead people?

[asipofbride]

ignoring you choosing not to have fun with me to say
boyfriend huh
please picture me smiling like a jackass and wiggling my eyebrows in the usual fashion
congrats kiddo
he gonna be at the ice cream social after church?

and no the dead people were killed by worms
they somehow managed to hit me with their satellite trailer despite us being the only things in that stretch of the desert

[whiteshroud]

Only if I get to imagine you as a seal with cartoon eyebrows doing it.
Thanks.
Probably not, he's not really religious.

You know, that takes talent.
That or just something about you just screamed "I have to hit him with a car".

[asipofbride]

i mean if you want i can make that dream come true for you
make some colorful paper eyebrows for me and i can jiggle em
i'm not religious either but i like ice cream

have you looked at me lately? it's some sort of divine providence or cosmic spite that more people haven't hit me with cars
i am the universe's little chewtoy and i'm here to make that everyone's problem

you should ask vash about the car thing
see if he ever hit his original wolfwood with a car
or if i'm just a special brand of cursed even amongst wolfwoods

[whiteshroud]

If you do that, I will knock $100 off your bill.
I'm serious.

[He needs the stupid laugh ok]

I'll consider asking him. Not this week though.

Are you taunting the universe to hit you with more cars?
Would it be better to be a shared trait or to have you be uniquely prone to getting hit by cars?

[asipofbride]

lets rock i have no pride to speak of and 2000$ to pay you back

if you leave the part about other wolfwoods out you could probably get him to whine for fun the old-fashioned way
he can't drive for spit

look
other wolfwood was actually an okay priest who did confessions and stuff
and he was built like a brick shithouse
i have to have something going for me other than an aversion for socks and the soul of a 90 year old man

[whiteshroud]

Sweet. Discount will be applied when you deliver the goods.

He can't?
I guess I can't judge, I don't have a license either.

You have a lot of things going for you, like an entire family for one.
Priesthood is a lonely occupation.
There's a reason I've held off on getting ordained.