asipofbride | IC INBOX [kaisou]

Considering how long he's been hounding me for this can't say I'm surprised.

[ he likes to think he's known wolfwood long enough to know exactly how much the other man would sell him out for, it's only by the virtue of this whole thing being orchestrated by vergil that dante's ego remains unbruised. he hums, leaning a little into the touch as vergil enters, blue-greys snapping up in the other devil's direction. ]

Bossman's the only person bothered by it, haven't heard a peep from you or Vash. [ or anyone else for that matter, the only complaint has been vergil. ] But if this is what it takes to stop him from chasing me around the house with scissors, I guess I'll finally accept my fate.

[ that acceptance lasts all of a few seconds once the order is given and wolfwood pries himself out of dante's arms, protests quick to slip past his lips. ] I was only stuck in one place 'cause Nick was sitting on me! [ dante pouts, dramatic and almost comical. ]

[ he gives Wolfwood. SUCH a fucking look. When the hitman-looking desert man tells him 'he's been covered in worse'. The expression is just. So completely deadpan and tired.
He doesn't want to hear this from you. Much less does he have interest in seeing the other sitting on Dante, but some things had to be done in order to see a result.

He's going to shoot Dante an annoyed look, immediately spritzing him with the bottle of water, like you would a misbehaving cat.

He's grabbing up his comb from one of his pockets, moving behind the other to start brushing out the others' mane--plucking out the hairband that's keeping it up in a ponytail.

maybe if he does this, Dante won't fuss and be too upset about losing his idiot lap cat. ]

I do not want to hear a story about you being inside a 'giant worm'. Less Dante start bouncing his own stories off of you, like the time the fool apparently cut his way out of a leviathan.

[ honestly, being covered in that much blood? disgusting. His skin crawls at the very idea. ]

Sit still. This will not take long--you truly need to stop fussing so much.

I mean, I think long hair's a good way to get grabbed, but people goin' toe to toe with you's a whole different ballgame than if they get up and close with someone like me. I can take it or leave it, you're you.

[ it's almost affectionate sounding, if you're a pissy little cat who can't be caught showing emotions lest the devil come to take you away. he blinks innocently as Vergil glowers at him, letting his sunglasses slide down his nose. ]

Take it easy, Uncle Scruffy--I'll be back as soon as I get the towel. [ he pats Dante's shoulders affectionately as he flops off of the desk, pouting at Vergil as the man huffs about his big worm story. ]

Yeah, well, I shot a laser cannon to get out of mine. We ate pretty good that night.

[ he will dutifully go to fetch a towel and return--hopefully to find Dante not being a terror to the man that pays Wolfwood's salary and probably idly plots to kill him on lazy Thursday afternoons. ]

[ vergil sprays him like a misbehaving cat and dante pulls a face, letting out a petulant huff, leaning his head back to stick a tongue out at the other man. regardless of his vocal, and non vocal, protests dante stays perfectly still as vergil begins to brush out his hair, idly gripping at the empty space that nick once sat in. ]

Cut my way out through its eye, don't leave out important details like that. [ it's not actually an important detail but it is at the same time. although it's damn disappointing he didn't have anything like a laser cannon to get out of his, now that he thinks about it. ] Didn't think about cooking mine for dinner, though. Had something more important to deal with.

[ dante shifts a little to watch nick leave the room, sighing dramatically. ] I miss him already. [ as much as he would love to be an absolute terror to the man who pays wolfwood's salary, he'll find that dante is... actually being well-behaved. for the most part. ]

I am sitting still, Verg.

...An effective way as any to deal with a giant monster, one supposes. Even if I do not particularly enjoy modern weapons like laser cannons.

[ he's gonna spritz Dante again. Maybe because he's getting his hair wet so he can properly brush it out before trimming it down--but there's definitely a bit of a vindictive motion behind the action--doing it because he's spraying a wild tomcat that can't help but to make comments where they weren't invited!!!! he doesn't need to hear about the eye again. ]

Something more important to deal with. By that, you mean me, waiting at the top of that forsaken tower, with blades ready. [ he rolls his eyes, continuing to comb out the mess of hair under his fingers, giving it an annoyed tug when he says he 'misses' the man. ]

Don't give me that nonsense. [ he grumbles, under his breath. Knowing full well the man merely went upstairs for what, two seconds? ] I saw the twitch in your arms as you tried to decide between staying here and chasing after him.

Okay, well, some of us can't blink and have a sword cut a bunch of stuff into pieces in the time between one blink and the next. Some of us came by our strength the less than legal way and were given a big laser cannon to compensate for it. Some of us are workin' with what we've got.

[ Wolfwood's rambling follows him out of the room as he goes to find a towel, having watercooler smalltalk with Agnus as he tries to decide which hamper meant the towels were clean and which one meant that they were dirty beyond repair until washed by hand or whatever it was that ol' Fussyface craved most in this life. he'll return soon enough, terrycloth prize in hand, trying not to smirk too much about the drowned wet rat look Dante's rocking right now. ]

He looks like one of Kni's cartoons right now. [ he holds out the towel dutifully and then moves to hup himself back up onto the desk. ]

Try to keep me out of the spritz zone, hey? I'm doing you a favor outside of our original scope, I feel.

Bottom of the tower actually. [ dante corrects as vergil gives his hair an annoyed tug. his jaw sets, fingers twitching once again in their iron prison, as he tosses up between remaining still and breaking the antiques apart once again. ] But I didn't chase after him, despite how much I wanted to. That alone should earn me some sort of points.

[ the pout on his face all but disappears when wolfwood wanders back in prize in hand. yeah, he sure does look like a mix between a drowned rat and a disgruntled cat being forced to take a bath, but he doesn't mind it anymore. ]

He sprayed me in the face a couple of times, got me in the eye too. [ wolfwood hops back up onto the desk and dante reaches out, dangling his cuffed hands out in front of himself. ] There is no safety from the spritz zone.

By the way, can we lose the cuffs? Promise I won't run off.

[ he makes an irritated noise, in the back of his throat as Dante asks to 'lose the cuffs'. He doesn't fully trust the other won't pull a fast one and run, but... he slowly moves down with the little iron key to unclip one side of them at least, so dante's hands could be free. He'll retrieve the cuffs later, he's going back to his work before the other HAS a chance to pull a fast one on him. Hands on either side of his head to keep him still and free from running off like a dog escaping a groomer. ]

It is just water. It is not as if there is vinegar or holy water in this bottle.

Your hair needs to be damp in order for me to cut it properly.
Or do you want me to shave you?

I could shave you.

[ he will go get his clippers, by fucking god.

...He threatens wolfwood with the spraybottle, but he doesn't actually pull the trigger. Putting it down to return his hands to the scissors and comb to actually get to work on trimming his wild beast of a brother. ]

[ and as he is an accomplice to the whole mess, Wolfwood will put his feet up--bracketing Dante's thighs from where he's sitting on the desk in front of him. ]

Don't shave him. He doesn't have the head shape for bald. He'd look like--there was this movie on the black and white channel the other day, we only watched like ten minutes before Vash turned it off.

[ he needs to think for a moment--and the thought skitters away as he's threatened with the bottle, flinching back like he's about to be sprayed. ]

You make me change an' I'm gonna go and be as fat as possible in your doorway. I'll bite your customers, you asshole.

[ he sulks when he settles again--the least the guy he's betraying his lover for could do is, y'know, treat him nice, but that's what you get when you lay down with snakes.

and then he jerks upright a little, name coming back to him ]

Nosferatu! He'd have a lil' weird egg head like that guy an' his megadome.

[ true to his word dante doesn't move the moment one of his hands is free, rolling the freed hand around briefly before his head is all but jerked in the direction vergil wants it. the pout returns. when they were kids he would have flown out the door, cackling at the top of his lungs as vergil chased him down with a pair of scissors. if he closes his eyes he can still hear the sound of eva's laughter, if he closes his eyes he can even hear the distant chuckle of sparda.

but he doesn't, his eyes remain open and his ass all but glued to the chair he has been trapped in. ]

Ouch, that kind of stings but I can't say you're wrong. Don't think I'd be able to pull it off either.

[ he reaches up to swat at his brother's arm in a silent 'be nice' sort of gesture, the last thing any of them want is a seal-shaped wolfwood stuck in the doorway. ]

He's all bark no bite, you're fine. 'Sides if he does make you change I'll personally put you right in the door to the shop.

- Hold up! I wouldn't look like Nosferatu if I was bald, I'd look like... [ he frowns, trying to think. it isn't like dante is much of a tv kind of person, when he isn't working he's usually got his face in a magazine or book or hanging out with wolfwood and vash or training. ] I dunno some sort of guy from an action movie.

[ the threat is over, and the bottle is down--but he's still looking at Wolfwood with a ... confused look on his face. Between Dante and Wolfwood and this talk of 'changing' and biting...

he looks entirely confused.

There's a... desire to grab up the spritz bottle again and spray the man just to see what the hell he was talking about, but. Something tells him chaos is just beyond that door, so.

...

He'll fix dante's hair and THEN spray the man to see what the fuck cryptid, cryptic nonsense these two are getting on about.
He's quick with his scissors, at least--and he's not aiming to cut all of dante's hair off. just trimming the mane off and putting it back to dante's usual style. the style he always remembers the other having--just past his chin, bangs that often cover his eyes. ]

A bald look would not suit him. He would look... vaguely homeless. No.
I was considering a more cropped look. Perhaps like that of Nero.

I do not expect that would look terrible. I could go get my clippers.

[ and maybe Wolfwood plays with fire in that moment--because he's relaxed, because he thinks Vergil isn't really into mischief because he's boring, because Dante's huffy-puffy and clearly Vergil didn't miss his very public post to the network about his new problem.

right?

right boss? ]

You'd have a weird egg melon, admit it. [ he's grinning at Dante as he 'helps' keep him still, watching the hair sprinkle off in little white sprigs, strands falling as Dante's hair neatens up snip by snip. ] He already looks vaguely homeless, accordin' to you. Who don't look homeless exactly, bossman?

[ he leans back on his hands, continuing to watch the cut with a measure of interest--like he doesn't cut his own hair with knives and scissors, chopping it off until it's messy and short and low maintenance. it's novel to see someone be styled~ ]

If you trim him up like Cousin Snuffy, he'll start lookin' like you and then we might have repeats of the Incident.

[ you know.

when Wolfwood grabbed Vergil's ass and Vergil broke him about it. ]

[ sometimes you become so used to something that it becomes the new norm for you. dante, for instance, has become so used to wolfwood's curse that he barely bats an eye - and he also forgets that not everyone looks at the app as much as he does. considering that wolfwood works for his twin, he has to know about it right? surely there has been some point where it reared its ugly head and caused some sort of issue with a delivery.

right?

dante huffs at wolfwood as vergil starts to trim his hair, watching the tuffs of white fall with each soft snip. he won't admit but... it doesn't feel terrible having his hair cut. in fact, it feels kind of nice. ]

I wouldn't have a weird egg melon head. [ frankly he is offended that wolfwood would even say such a thing. but whatever offense seems to either fade of switch gears entirely. ] Don't cut it that short.

I'd rather you didn't throw Nick out a window again.

I will not cut it that short. Relax. While I am not a fan of you going around looking like a terrible rendition of a bed-headed lion from that animated movie--I am not so cruel as to ruin your usual style. [ he doesn't need to use so many words to say 'i like your hair the way it is.' ]

There are not many people who can make a hairstyle like Nero's work. Dante is not one of them.

[ snip. snip. snip. pause. ]

I only threw him out a window because he did not keep his hands to himself.

It was a reflex.

[ you'd think, and yet. Wolfwood's been very good at not being wet because he hates having to wait to dry enough to wiggle out of his skin. all the same, he plays his part, distracts Dante and keeps him settled--and then he distracts Vergil too and grins, wolfish. ]

You were an identical twin. With no shirt on. With your hair down in the way your identical twin wears it. I still feel like a 'what the hell, man' would've been more appropriate than making me pop my own shoulder back in and take a vial, but you do you, bossman.

[ this becomes way less funny after the third in retrospect huh. ]

[ frankly dante thinks he is being incredibly well-behaved, sitting perfectly still as vergil snips away at the long locks of his hair. he's even keeping the comment about vergil clearly liking his hair the way he it is to himself! he should be rewarded.

but all that good behavior practically flies out the window with the current topic of conversation. ]

While Nick ain't wrong, it's understandable seeing how long it's been since my dearest brother has had someone grab his ass.

[ it sure a lot less funny after the third... ]

IC INBOX [kaisou]

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