nicholas d. wolfwood (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
asipofbride) wrote2013-04-06 05:02 pm
asipofbride) wrote2013-04-06 05:02 pmIC INBOX [kaisou]
username: N.D. WOLFWOOD | ✉ ☏ 📷 |
asipofbride) wrote2013-04-06 05:02 pm
username: N.D. WOLFWOOD | ✉ ☏ 📷 |
no subject
...
Wolfwood, you... aren't going to leave, are you.
no subject
how much knives is gonna need you
what kni means versus knives
but i know you're gonna bring him with you
and i can't deal with that right this second
i can barely be a decent person to a lost asshole over text
let alone having his stupid smug face in my face
you're already fighting an uphill battle and i am gonna be an obstacle in that, not a help
so you need your house and i need to
i dont know
stay in shitpot hotel for a minute
i've got some money left over don't worry about it
[ he does not have money left over but he can probably bum some off dante if he's slick ]
no subject
based on how he is insisting on being called kni
and that he's talking about Noman's Land not having a name...
...
I think
he might be a kid
i think this is a very small knives
which means he can be ...
i can help this time
instead of resolving to put a bullet in him
as a kid he...
it's easier to handle, things could be different.
[ he could make him understand how wonderful earth is, that humans arent playthings or disposable. ]
if you need some time then... okay. i don't have a lot of money left, otherwise id give it to you, im sorry
ill make it up to you
ill make it up to you.
no subject
[ because now Wolfwood's going to look irrational for his anger, his fear; who's enough of a bitch to blame their whole life getting ripped to shit by a ten year old? ]
i sincerely hope
you can make it better this time
i don't know how much i believe in nurture over nature
considering how rotten i am as a person
and how heinous he is when he came from the same place you did
i really do wish you luck
don't worry about me.
i always get by
same as usual
[ run away, nicholas d wolfwood
run like the coward you are
packing up all of his newly bought clothes, his gun, and not much else because Slappy didn't deserve to get stuck in a shitpit, and neither did Rat-ions, and it was just
easier to leave the animals be
after explaining that he had to go for a little while
no matter how much Fritter whined about getting a snack
he's throwing his shit into his motorcycle's sidecar and taking off
time to get to the Auguries and see if he can sweet-talk some money out of Dante or Danteface 2 until the frozen core of misery that's eating up his guts manages to melt just a little ]
no subject
im always ging to worry about you
doesnt matter what the situation is
i think nurture over nature works too
kni didnt have the same opportunities to see things
like i did
...
ill tell you some things
when we see each other again
okay
[ he doesnt want nico to run but
he knows this situation
...isnt ideal ]
please be safe
let me know youre okay
no subject
trust me to keep myself together, okay
it's the one thing i'm real good at
i hope you're right spikey
sincerely
i do
... and c'mon, man
don't say anything stupid
or that you might regret
i don't
think
it'll be forever
it'll just be until i can get myself together
until you know what we're dealin' with
[ sometimes you are a simple man
and one strategy has always served you well
so you run ]
i'll let you know when i settle for the night
no subject
its just
i feel like if im not careful, everything'll crash down
you know
...
[ there's something... profound
about being told not to say anything stupid
it rings in his heart
and hes right
nicholas is right
the world isnt ending
this
could be okay
he needs to breathe
find kni
and... ]
find dante
dante will help
thats the best thing to do right now
no subject
not to proverbially trip you
even though i want to get my hands around your brother's neck
and take out the last ten years of my life on him
[ it's profound and a little unkind and just
blunt enough to maybe mean something
it's not forever
it's just right now
until wolfwood can make himself
not be a complete monster ]
yeah im gonna borrow money and find a hotel
you need dante more than i do so im not gonna impose on him
no subject
what happened to you
you didnt tell me the details
but i somehow have an idea, anyway
he's done terrible things in my timeline too
just
dont ask for money, just stay with dante. What do you mean i need him 'more'?
he's our friend, both of us.
right now im gonna be dealing with
...a very small knives
im not sure if knives will even tolerate another person around us until i have him calmed down about this world
i found him
btw
he's
he's literally a child
looks maybe 10
which means he's less than two years old, probably
1/2
→ private. 2/2
he'd never stoop so low as to be involved by hand of course
but chapel the evergreen and the doctor
they'd bring kids in and they'd see what they would live through
i had s class compatibility with their regeneration drugs, so they honed that and that's why i can heal anything short of my head popping like a grape as long as i can suck down the chemicals
i grew up in a matter of months
one day i'm 8
four months later i look like this
and then we either did what the 'church' said or they'd get more of us to be better soldiers, better experiments, on and on and on for your brother's shitty goals
and they gave me a contract sayin they'd leave my orphanage alone if i delivered you on a fucking platter so i did
and then you two had it out and blew up julai
[ ... it's the most honest wolfwood has ever been about what he is. who he is. what he lost. ]
you need dante more than i do. he can do the demon thing so your hellspawn of a brother can be tamed enough not to shred people to bloody pieces. i will get by on my own.
i always get by on my own.
no subject
because of course he does
why would he ignore it, why would he give Wolfwood ANYTHING but his undivided, focused attention
wolfwood never opens up, he fights and he bites and he barks and he dehumanizes himself to such an extreme degree, but he's never open about his pains and what created them, so there's a hollow feeling in Vash's chest and he
understands
why wolfwood is so upset about Kni being here, about what it means that he's small and wolfwood's anger can't be properly vented against the man
if he had shown up in his proper size, at the very least, with all his powers missing, Wolfwood stood a chance of putting a gun to his head and avenging every nerve that'd been pulled raw for the last few years.
The frustration that it's a child instead, well...
...Vash feels a sense of sorrow here, but...
he's also stuck with what he should do.
Kni curled up against his chest, shaking like a leaf in all his defenseless immaturity
... what does he do... ]
you aren't alone though
maybe i will need help from others
to show kni that the world isn't as cruel as he fears
...what happened to you was cruel and a perfect example as to why beings shouldn't hold power over one another
be it independents over humans, or humans over plants
noone should have to suffer like you did. noone should have grown up knowing only pain and humiliation, ruin and suffering
and i wish so solemnly that i knew what was happening
that i may have prevented it, somehow
if i knew, i would have tried to save you, wolfwood
even if i failed back then
i dont want to continue to fail
now
please
please remember you arent alone
no subject
wolfwood has nothing but his anger and its impossible target; kni doesn't have absolution because he's still a little monster, even with his soft seagreen eyes and his horrible mother-made bowlcut
there's a moment where wolfwood could have his revenge, free of charge
and all he'd have to do is burn what's left of his principles
and the last tattered fragments of his soul
and he'd have to go through vash to do it
he really doesn't know who'd win in that showdown
rage versus love
wolfwood can at least admit that love'd win, even if it it would leave the taste of bile and his throat and iron on his tongue
it's the same taste that came up when he thought too hard about Plants, these days
and the impossible question of whether one deserved to live if they had to bleed someone else to keep doing it
humanity hadn't chosen No Man's Land
but they had chosen everything else
it makes his head hurt, though that might just be the anger and adrenaline giving way to empty, unhappy static ]
maybe not
but i'll be fine if the cards come down that way
[ vash knows wolfwood's a liar
even if he pretends he doesn't ]
i already told you not to say stupid stuff you'd regret
the last time i heard a promise like that from you
i was the one to put a bullet through the fucked up kid you'd made it to because he was trying to crush you into blood and bones and belief
i mean it, when i say i want you to be right
i want you to succeed
you deserve better
and maybe your little brat of a brother deserves better too
than whatever monsters are under his bed
you say people aren't born wrong
and i'll
believe you on that
you don't fail if i'm alone, blondie
sometimes you can only grab so many ropes
and i can tread sand for a while
no subject
he feels a wave of nausea at the idea that it could happen here, in Kaisou. The image of the magical city being swept up in the wave of pure white energy that swirled out of him like it had a life of his own...
He has to squeeze his eyes shut and shake the image away.
He chooses love every time because how could he choose any other emotion? He doesn't deserve to be angry, he doesn't deserve to be sad--he can't even feel sorry for himself, because he doesn't deserve it, all he can do is continue to try to make everyone happy, by himself, because...
because it's his fault. ]
I watched you do it
i know
i know.
in my timeline, you've done that, too. he was a misguided guy who could have been redeemed if given the chance
all he knew was fear and living another day
and i wanted to give him the chance to live another day
i was... so angry with you when you put a bullet in his head
i
i know you're scared too
just like he was
just like ... kni is, here, like this
fear drives so many of our emotions because what else can we do
but run and try to survive
when fear drives us to our feet, controls what our hands do
you werent born wrong
rai-dei wasnt born wrong
kni wasnt born wrong
the thing you all have in common is
you didn't have someone who could save you from that fear
which is why
i wont leave you alone
ill never
leave you alone
youre not going to tread along alone
i wont
let you
no subject
he has no absolution to offer
no confession, no penance
no promise that God or the universe or whatever Vash might pray to was full of boundless love and infinite of potential
full of forgiveness
maybe in another life, he'd believe in such things; he'd cling to them with bloodied fingernails and the scraps of conviction that he's managed to hide away from the people who'd stripped him of such things and left a killing beast in their wake
maybe in another life, Wolfwood would've had God, and it would've been easier to have Vash too
but in this life, he's only ever had himself and the promise of the oblivion before Eden came for the righteous few, and a sinner can't be a saint without a whole lot of martyrdom first.
if there's anything Wolfwood hates more than Kni, it's spilling his own blood. that's his blood. he's never been great at sharing ]
keep your expectations measured a little, would you
the one time you put your hands on me
you did it after i killed rollo or whatever his name was for you
and then you sulked off because I called you on your shit about making promises you could never keep
'if God won't save you, I will'
don't be God, Spikes
don't
promise something like that
... promise what you know you can do
if God won't save us sinners
don't leave us alone
help us fix our broken bones
and deal with the monsters that come in the nights after
you can't save everyone from the grinding wheel of the world
but people are happy for havin you around, Vash
i know i'm going to be afraid
so's your asshole brother, i don't know him like you do but it sounds like that's what you're saying at least one of his malfunctions is
there's not much you can do to always stop that
just
just
be there in the aftermath
to straighten out the house after the dust storm
sweep the pieces up and put things back to rights so life can carry on like it has to
you don't have to be better than God
impossible, ivory tower shit as that idea is
you just have to be better than sadness
and that's your specialty, ain't it
dont be perfect, be you
that's what people like, yknow
no subject
it's not like he cared if other people put their faith in god--their beliefs were theirs and he'd support them in what they felt was right
it was why he never scolded wolfwood, even in his timeline, for believing in god
going so far as to quip bible quotes at him and all--because he knew his friend did believe in that stuff
but vash never could
maybe a long time ago he did
but after 150 years of seeing thousands beg succor from a deaf being who heard no prayers, he couldn't pretend to have anything close to faith in absolution anymore
his faith was in his friends, and those he cared about. those who he could see and help
and those who could help him, if they wished to. ]
im not god. im nothing close to god, even if i look like an angel sometimes
i wouldnt dare try being god either, so you dont have to worry about that
what i can promise you is that i wont leave you alone
its always been my fondest wish
to protect those who are too weak to
to be there for them when they need it
there's plenty to be afraid of in this world
and ill tell you, one day soon
why kni is so afraid
not over text, you deserve more than that
it doesnt excuse a single thing he did, i want to make sure that's stated too
i tried to fight him for years
lost my arm because i didnt have the resolve to put a bullet through his head when i should have
i dont want to be better than anyone, nico
i want
[ what does he want
he's never wanted anything for himself for years
not really
what does he want?
dont be perfect
be you
but who is 'vash the stampede'? ]
my specialty... haha
to fill the world
with love and peace