nicholas d. wolfwood (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
asipofbride) wrote2013-04-06 05:02 pm
asipofbride) wrote2013-04-06 05:02 pmIC INBOX [kaisou]
username: N.D. WOLFWOOD | ✉ ☏ 📷 |
asipofbride) wrote2013-04-06 05:02 pm
username: N.D. WOLFWOOD | ✉ ☏ 📷 |
no subject
Vash just needs half an excuse to pout and I've got stuff to do with my day, so it can be our little secret.
[ it does feel great, to feel like your blood-stained hands can actually be clean, like you aren't a monster in a man's skin just waiting for the instincts that they beat into your head to take over. Wolfwood exhales as he takes on some of Eve's burden--lets himself be the bearer of her frustrations, the source of its creation; he'd always hated people telling him to be patient, to wait to grow up
and then he'd grown up twice as fast and his childhood had been left a bloody smear in the wake of everything. ]
Thanks. I know it can be a lot--especially when you got stuff to do, but not enough time or power or height to do 'em with. I think it's okay to be a little too little for a little while, but I might be biased, an' I ain't your boss anyhow.
[ because it'd be cruel, to joke about not being Eve's parent--a little lonely child's sore point, just a little too tender to be funny. he tilts his head as Eve answers, swallowing around a dryness in his mouth as she muses, and he listens, eyes closed as he rests a hand on his chin as if he's contemplating the answer to life itself on that moment. ]
It's a lot to think about, ain't it? Hard to play the game when you don't know what the rest of the board looks like--and I ain't in the habit of playing blind myself, so I get it. I get not knowing if you're really happy--hell, I didn't think I knew what happy felt like anymore, compared to what I remembered happy feeling like. I don't think I'll ever feel the same way I did before... everything, back when I was eight and at the orphanage.
... but I think I've got a lot more to try in this time and place, and I think that's better that how I was getting on before. I might not be happy, but I've got a lot more choices that're my own--and I hope you have that too. It's not all sunshine and rainbows, but it's yours to do what you want with it, you know?
Maybe that's happiness if you work it a little.
no subject
Right. Our little secret.
[Eve still doesn't see him as the source, plenty of others having given her differing levels of the same sentiment. Even people she generally likes. 'Let others handle it. You're just a kid.' Irritating most of the time, admittedly. She has goals! Big goals! The idea of waiting a year, let alone two or more to achieve them feels like forever.]
[So while she pouts a little, it's not at Wolfwood specifically.]
Someone once told me I already have power. That I'm just surrounded by exceptional people. [It's the same here, somehow. She breathes out her frustration.] It still doesn't feel like enough.
[One day, when she has more time and experience behind her, Eve will likely be as impressive as Vash. But that's not something that she can just force through, much to her annoyance.]
[The restraint would be appreciated, even if Eve has mostly resolved herself to a parentless life. What else is she supposed to do? At least she's collected some dad figures over time. But... Eve sometimes ponders how unlike other kids, she has no mother. A big hole in her life that marks her as not normal.]
[That Wolfwood bothers to listen, making a whole show of taking her uncertainty seriously, does wonders for keeping her attention. There's still so much Eve doesn't know, even with a year of voracious reading. About life, about emotions especially. Such things weren't encouraged in a weapon. Now she's stuck trying to piece together different stimuli into feelings and what they mean. But happiness is so personal, so nebulous. While she can look back on moments and say, 'yes, I was happy then', how on earth does she replicate that feeling again?]
[She makes a mental note about the orphanage mention. Another hint about Wolfwood, behind the cool exterior.]
Emotions are... complicated. I think I can identify most by now, but what causes them and how they feel seems to fluctuate.
Maybe we can't recapture those feelings again. But... [She grips her shoulders tight, a fortress made of crossed arms.] If I'm free to choose, I still want to see and experience new things. I want to keep learning more about this world and others.
And maybe... find my own happiness along the way.
[She has goals and dreams back home but until then...]
[If Sven wanted her to find a new kind of happiness, then she should try... for him.]